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[ Previous Issue ] | Voulume II, Issue 8
Inside this Issue
Upcoming Headlines (maybe)
The Burning QuestionRemember when G. W. Bush's campaign manager bought up all the anti-Bush domain names off the Internet, you know, bushbites, communistbush, bushsucks, etc.? Does OSSM need to adopt a similar strategy? We hear that iohsastme.org is still for sale. We're Graduating!That's right, we're outta here! If any of you soon-to-be-graduating seniors would like to continue to receive the OSSM Underground after you've left here, we have a subscription service just for you. You can receive a paper copy of each issue in the mail anywhere in the United States by request. For all of our readers, we now offer to email you a copy of the paper for free to any email address that you specify. For more information about either kind of OSSM Underground subscription, email OSSMUnderground@hotmail.com. Volume approaching zeroBy Xenon, Editor-In-ChiefFor some time now, we have found ourselves short of drinking glasses in the kitchen. After noticing that the new cups supplied by the food service seemed smaller than the original glasses, it was decided to put the equipment in labs 4, 5, and 6 to good use. The following data was gathered on the many types of glasses available in the kitchen:
To give everyone a good idea of what the volumes of these cups actually compare with, consider that a can of soda is 355 ml, the average baby bottle contains roughly 250 mL, and the typical shot glass can store about 60 mL of liquid. It doesn't take Buckimathematics to discover that the volume of the new plastic cup is only 87.5% of the original glass, nor does it require advanced TI weaponry to reveal that the new smooth foam cups are approximately 10% smaller than those used as of April 10. So just what is the cause of this phenomenon? Some blame it on entropy, but it is the food service that is responsible. By using larger cups, the food service would more than likely have fewer problems with supplying enough glasses, and everyone would be much happier with a glass that can hold more than just a couple of sips. Mina Copley to wed Scott WiseStaff ReportMina Copley (CO2K) and Scott Wise (CO99) are to be married on the 5th of August this year. Look at that picture, aren't they cute?!? Mina and Scott met at OSSM and started dating soon thereafter. They have been engaged since January 1. Scott is currently a student at Oklahoma State University studying Engineering; Mina has plans to attend OSU next year to study Architecture. A reception celebrating their marriage will be held on August 5th at 2:00 at the Church of Jesus Christ of Later-Day Saints at 12020 Mustang Road in Oklahoma City. You can find more information on the wedding website at http://www.math.okstate.edu/~wise/. Gifts are not necessary, but people are, so all reading this paper are invited to attend. Editor's Note: OSSM Underground is more than willing to make community service announcements in the paper given sufficient notice. Please email us at OSSMUnderground@hotmail.com for more information. OSSM Prom Huge SuccessStaff ReportOSSM students danced the night away at this year's OSSM Prom, A Night Under the Stars, on May 5th. There was a near-record turnout for this year's Prom, with only a handful of students staying behind in the Dormitory. Students at the Prom enjoyed dinner and dancing at the Petroleum Club, followed by an after-Prom party (very much improved over last year's) with music, games, and laughter, and an auction to end the evening. Overall, a grand time was had by all. Neg: Finals WeekBy Lady DThe smell of Cheeze Whiz™, concocted coffee and tea brewed hot pots invisible to the administration's ever-watchful eye, caffeine, and Pringles™ lies heavily in the air. That's right folks, it's finals week again. Theoretically, since it is such a stressful time period, the admin and faculty should help us out. However, they help to make it just as hellacious as we have all discovered it to be. Let's look at some of the rules and regulations that assist in making finals week our least favorite week of the semester. Several faculty members told me that I should start studying for finals before finals week. This seems like a wonderful idea. They "helped" me do this by making sure I had several tests that week and also making several huge homework assignments due on May 19. I understand that the faculty feels that they have to teach until the last possible second, but it certainly doesn't make this place any easier. A wonderful theory that should really be considered is already in use in universities around the globe. Some call it dead week, some call it study week, but regardless of what you want to label it, it's a little breather before finals. Ah, breathing. No homework, no tests, just a little review and time to study. Would that be so terrible? The administration claims that the reason we have finals is to prepare us for college finals. If that's true, then it only makes sense to treat them like college finals and give us a little time to prepare. Finals week is a pretty comfortable week at schools across the country as far as clothing goes. You get up at 8am, throw on a pair of shorts, a tank top, and a pair of sandals (after all, it is approximately 96°) and run to your first final. Oops. Forgot this was OSSM, didn't you? You run back to the dorm, kick off the sandals, take off the shorts, and peel off the tank top. Apparently finals didn't make you sweat enough, and OSSM demands that you wear pants (or microscopic miniskirts which are obviously far safer in the lab), two finger-width shirts, and no sandals. Why? Lab safety of course! We were all informed at orientation that the teachers don't want to concern themselves with whether or not we had lab, thus appropriate lab attire (this includes short skirts that barely cover one's self but not knee-length shorts) must be worn at all times. This logic can almost hold water at any time but finals week. Apparently unbeknownst to the administration and faculty, we don't have lab during finals week. There is no possible way we can be placed in an unsafe lab environment as a result of wearing shorts or sandals during finals week. One would think that this would cause the administration to not enforce the appropriate lab attire rules, since their only reason for creating the rule is no longer a concern. However, the rules are just as enforced as ever and so we must remain uncomfortable in Lincoln School even during the most stressful weeks of the year. Thanks to the fact that we all have to take a minimum of 7 classes, there are several days during finals week that we have two tests on the same day. Since we have already established that we are unable to study before finals week thanks to the relentless professors, we are forced to resort to studying the night before the test. Is it possible to adequately prepare for two very difficult three-hour comprehensive finals and be in bed by 11 PM even if you start at 4 PM (after your last final) and study continuously (which by the way, don't do that; it isn't healthy) until 11 PM? Sadly, the answer is no. (Remember, keyword being adequately) So, we have to stay up a little later than usual. Does the administration understand? They gave us the finals, they forced us to take two in the same day, do they make it easy for us to prepare? Not quite. We still get write-ups for being up past 11, we're still not allowed to have study sessions after 11, we're supposed to be in bed asleep so that we can awake refreshed and ready to fail the finals we were unable to get ready for. These are just a few of the many ways the administration and faculty could make finals week just a little easier. We're not asking for much, we know it isn't supposed to be easy, but when we're under so much academic rigor, a little slack in the other aspects of our lives could really keep a few of us a little saner. Aff: Finals WeekBy SyzygyEveryone shudders when they hear the words "finals" and "week" together in the same sentence. Hearts go cold at the thought of "comprehensive." Everyone always thinks about the horrible parts of finals week without considering the good things. Sure, there are three-hour tests, morning and afternoon, every day for a week, but look at the bright side. We get fifteen extra minutes of sleep (I know it doesn't really make up for the hours we lost the night before, but it feels like you get to sleep later), if we don't have a final, we get three hours to do with whatever we wish (probably study for another final, but you can blow those hours if you wish, and we all know we all do), and we get final's food. Who doesn't love final's food? There are cookies and lemonade and grapes and watermelon and little sausages in BBQ sauce and cheesecake and it is there every night for a week (Well, when the parents bring food anyway). Another great thing about finals week is that the faculty knows we're all really stressed, so they go easy on us. None of them go easy on us the week before finals week, but it's not like we'd study anyway. They may tell us to study the week before, but they know us better than that. At least some teachers make those evil comprehensive tests over maybe the last six weeks (which we love), others make them completely of old tests, and the staff gives less write-ups, a few more looks the other way, a little more understanding about methods of stress relief... I've heard lots of people complaining about how much they hate Final's week and all the stress and studying and staying up late that comes with it. I'm sure you don't really want to hear me tell you how great it is, but we all need to remember that not only have we been living with those all semester, once it's over, there's a long vacation awaiting us with nothing but sleeping late, eating Cheetos™ on the couch while watching cartoons (or talk shows, whatever floats your boat), and avoiding studying at all cost. OSSM Underground is Copyright 1999, 2000 by OSSM Underground Press; Oklahoma City, OK 73104-2811. All rights reserved. Send all submissions to submit@ossmup.org or check our submisssions page for a more spesific address. Visit us online at http://www.ossmup.org. [ Previous Issue ] | Voulume II, Issue 8 |
