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The Burning QuestionWhy do all the lights dim when all the irons turn on? Are we contributing to OKC's prevalent power grid problem? Also, with hometown teacher appreciation coming up, we thought that it might be appropriate to print a couple tributes to the some of the most important members of the OSSM community, the hard-working support staff. Let's hear what you have to say about Al, Keith, Bob, Johanna, Mary and all the rest. Regarding Issue 4To the editor: Where is it? Did it get buried under the cranberry sauce? Is this an example of my tax dollars at work? Ah, an excellent observation sir. The OSSM Underground staff has in fact been buried under all the work that comes with the cranberry sauce this year. True to our creed, the staff has compiled yet another issue for student enlightenment and public consumption. New Disciplinary RecordProfessor Jack Gleason started a discipline file of his own at Friday's assembly. Prof. Gleason was called on by Dr. Manning to come to the front and dispense some "more than vital information" about the following day's exams. Dr. Manning was meet with cheers and applause from the student body and faculty alike when she asked him, "Prof. Gleason, is that a drink you have in this auditorium?" Dr. Manning then confiscated Prof. Gleason's now signature coffee mug. While this might not seem like an ordeal to many readers, remember that small offenses such as bring a beverage into the auditorium have been known to lead into larger ones. It may not be long before Prof. Gleason ventures to have a pizza delivered to his office in the evening or makes checking his mail between 8:00 and 3:30 a habit. Students can rest assured that Dr. Manning will cast a watchful eye on this troublemaker. It's About TimeGroundbreaking ceremony planned for Library-Administration BuildingDespite all of the barriers and setbacks, the construction fence has gone up and the groundbreaking ceremony for the OSSM Library-Administration building has become a part of OSSM history. Dr. Ed and her hommies on the Board have come up with the benjamins to erect a $2.7 million Library-Administration Building on the OSSM campus. We've had the cash for quite some time now, but Oklahoma politics keep us from starting the work until just now. Congratulations to Dr. Manning for her fine work. In Other News...
ASPCA hits OSSMGet rid of your roommate. Why? Because you too could get a visit from the administration for having a pet. Yes, I know not all roommates can be put so low to be considered pets, but some pets are cleaner, quieter, and more pleasant to be around than that lovely roommate of yours. So why is it that the administration has a problem with pets? I am not talking about housing chimps, chihuahuas, or reptiles; I am talking about the ability of the administration to adjust. I can name more than few colleges that allow fish and even some furballs to join their owners in a dorm room. But OSSM claims we are not a college. Therefore OSSM will not follow the same rules. We all know we are not a high school. So we doomed to stay in limbo for these two intense years. This is OSSM's greatest accomplishment: their ability to set down the law and have it go unquestioned. And if it is questioned, the questions fall on unwelcoming ears. Maybe we should use the student council. I for one have never gone to the student puppet council. I am very happy for them, but we all know they wield no power. So how can we get something done? Play ball. That's right, play their game. If there is something you want done, follow every rule there is to do. Go to the student council, see the administration, write a letter to the Underground and then some, then do it all over again. Become as annoying as possible, but never give the administration a reason not to give in. Knock on their door every day, but do not break a beloved rule doing it. Eventually, the blinds will start staying up, the hill will be ascended, and MP3s will be listened to without fear. And in the end, OSSM will have found a way to look good for cooperating with the student body. Pan con QuesoBy Mrs. XThe crisp blast of chill air in the mornings, the jolly green and white decorations in Penn Square, the sound of children laughing…wait. This is OSSM we're talking about. The pervading atmosphere is not holiday cheer; it's final exam dread. This is for those all-nighters, when you have to refuel or pay more attention to the growling of your stomach than the physiology of it. Since at the Underground we sympathize with the lack of actual cooking devices, many these recipes are formulated using only legal devices. Ironed Cheese SandwichThe student equivalent of the grilled cheese sandwichIngredients: 2 slices of bread; Nonstick cooking spray, margarine, or butter; American cheese† Make a sandwich with the bread and cheese. To keep the iron from sticking to the bread, spray it with nonstick cooking spray. If using butter, either spread the butter lightly on the outside faces of the sandwich, or press melt the butter off the bottom of the iron into a cup. Pour this mixture into the water tank of the iron, and set it to steam. Press the sandwich gently for 30 seconds with the iron on "polyester" setting for about 30 seconds. Turn the sandwich over and repeat. If you want the cheese more melted, press each side for 15 seconds about three times. Depending on iron strengths and dorm room altitude (1st floor vs. 3rd floor) cooking time and temperature may vary. †Make sure the cheese will melt. If you are concerned with the melting properties of your cheese, contact Matt Cook and Nick Brooke or the Organic Chemistry department. Nacho NightFor all you all-nighter nourishment needsIngredients: 1 jar Tostitos Brand Salsa Con Queso; Tortilla chips; Towel; Paper towels, napkins; Rival Brand Hot Pot Express™; At least 2 friends Start your nachos at least 1 hour prior to when you plan to eat them. Remove the wrapper from the jar of nachos and open the jar to break the airtight seal, and then close it again. This will make the jar much less painful to open after the temperature of the lid of the jar has approached a range comparable to that of the surface of the sun. Fill your hot pot with water and place it under your desk. Gently place the jar of nachos into the water, and then turn the pot onto full boil. Listen for a clicking sound that indicates that the water in the pot is "bumping" and is about to all boil off, and should be refilled. Remove when hot and serve with tortilla chips. Don't Worry, Be HappyMr. Rho, AlumniI have been doing some serious thinking about the topics addressed in the last issue of the OSSM Underground, and I have a few thoughts of my own to add dealing with it. First off, you should realize that, even though you are Oklahoma's best, you and your parents did sign papers saying that OSSM has control of your life until you graduate, are kicked out, or quit. If you don't like the way they are treating you, fine: quit now. It doesn't get any better. But realize that if you quit, you are missing out on one of the greatest educational opportunities offered to students anywhere in the nation, and it doesn't cost you a dime. Back in the prehistoric days before the OKC dorm existed, students were housed on the campus of the University of Oklahoma. We had (often drunken) college students for RAs, we ate at the campus cafeteria, we even used their athletic facilities. Pizza delivery boys were not considered evil (on the contrary, they were usually considered life saving), and the dorm had three TVs with cable, one in each lounge. We may have had restrictions on viewing times, but we could watch Nickelodeon and Comedy Central. Now for the really controversial part: we watched South Park. On Friday and Saturday nights, we would stay up watching South Park on the TV, and even managed to weasel into a few extra minutes of viewing time once in a while. Coach would walk by and tell us that it was immoral, but then he would sit down and watch with us, laughing because he enjoyed the humor just as much as we did. But you aren't in Norman. Now, I don't want to start a revolution or anything, I personally think that South Park is a show that OSSM should ban you from watching, but compared to that, how bad can Nickelodeon be? I agree with the student body that Prof. Gleason has crossed the line by blocking Nickelodeon. I personally tend to agree with the policies that OSSM makes, knowing that they have their reasons for creating them, but when their rules show such discrepancies as those mentioned above, I can no longer respect the decisions of the administrators. I am very proud to have experienced OSSM, but incidents such as these are very disappointing. It would be nice if we could be treated as mature adults, but pool tables being trashed and other similar problems are evidence that not everyone that is accepted can be assumed to be mature. Since it is impossible to determine exactly who will be stable enough to make it through (witness Robbie Despain), or which ones have the maturity of a ten year old (Shop-Vac, though I think he was 10), the only option left to the administration is to treat the entire student body as three year olds. Events happen in the outside world, and you are kept gleefully uninformed. When you get to college you will find that there are things happening around you. You will have to find ways to keep yourself informed, or you will not be a productive member of society. Bad things will happen, you will have to deal with it. No one will be there to tell you that the views expressed in I Love Lucy are not the views currently held by most Americans. You will be allowed to watch South Park all you want, and it will warp your fragile little mind (trust me, it will). Mr. Washington won't come around every night and make sure you're asleep; you will probably stay up till five in the morning sometimes goofing off. You won't have to study fifteen hours a day, or even attend class; this can be detrimental. You won't be living in the same building with your instructors; they will be more difficult to approach. Everything will change when you go to college, some for the better, some for the worse, and you will have to adjust as best you can. The administration is trying to help you develop good habits and prevent your morals from being corrupted, but their policies tend to have the opposite effect of their intentions. Learn to live with it. The world does not exist solely for your pleasure, and you will have to work at being happy. Remember, "Keith and Al will one day rule all creation." OSSM Underground is Copyright 1999, 2000 by OSSM Underground Press; Oklahoma City, OK 73104-2811. All rights reserved. Send all submissions to submit@ossmup.org or check our submisssions page for a more spesific address. Visit us online at http://www.ossmup.org. [ Previous Issue ] | Voulume II, Issue 4 | [ Next issue ] |
