"Is OSSM Underground going to die in the summer, or are you guys passing the torch to the new seniors and juniors to carry on?" -- OSSM Friend

"Your paper is a very important document; it has provided an anonymous yet powerful voice for the student body. " --OSSM Parent

Does this answer your question?

OSSM Undergound is back, and better than ever! With the old template in hand, our new staff will continue the never-ending crusiade to fight lunacy in school administration.

Welcome juniors! You might not understand what you're reading right now, so let me explain it to you. My name is Mr. X. I am the editor-in-chief of the OSSM Underground, a voice for the OSSM community that deserves to be heard. You don't know who I am, which is just as well, since the true identity of Mr. X changes from time to time. The publishers of this paper choose to remain anonymous so that you can too.

OSSM Underground will address concerns of the student body and the rest of the OSSM community in a forum that might otherwise not be available.

All submissions to the Underground are held in the strictest confidence, and anonymity of submissions will be maintained.

Convocation Day

By An Alum

A new school year has begun around the country. Many of last year's graduates are just now starting their college careers, but for OSSM students, the grind is on. On Convocation day, the seniors laughed with their old friends about the brick wall that the new juniors were fixing to run full tilt into. The juniors, on the other hand, were quite oblivious to this fact; they were only prepared for what they thought was going to be another typical school year. Never before had they had assignments before classes started, and never before had they had to work so hard to earn their grades. Therefore many of them resorted to holing up in their rooms and concentrating solely on their classwork. They believed the administrators who told them there was not time for fun, only work. The seniors, seeing what the juniors did, labeled them antisocial and swore that they had never done the same; though they had, and had blocked the memory of it from their minds. Soon, those "antisocial" juniors will emerge from the dark caves known as their rooms, and in a year, they will have the chance to call the next class antisocial.

Nothing can ever remain constant, especially at OSSM. Many of the seniors feel a deep sense of regret at having lost the greatest teacher to have ever walked the face of the earth. Dr. Arne Troelstra's retirement was a great loss to all of us (except him, he is going on vacation). His junior E&M class was one of the most rigorous classes at the school, and yet all of his students did well in it and ended the semester with enough knowledge of the subject matter to crush the AP test in their sleep (which I am sure several have). His electronics class, though nearly impossible for many students enrolled in it, was still one of the most popular at the school due to the fun nature of the labs involved. Dr. Troelstra was a great man, a friend to many students, and, though he could get angry, was often prepared to lighten the mood with a joke. The entire OSSM community will miss this man.

Before the year is out, several students will succumb to the pressure of being at the number one high school in the nation, and a select few might even be lucky enough to go insane. However, of those who stick it out, a good number will apply to the top colleges in the nation, and most will get in. Many will go to school in state, due to financial or other considerations, but some will go to join their predecessors at CalTech, MIT, the University of Chicago, and (God forbid) Harvard, among other places. The students of OSSM will stick out at whatever university they attend, and they will become the leaders of tomorrow. They will have the ability to do whatever they want, some will be scientists, some will be politicians, and someday, one will make it all the way to the White House, where he will put our school and our entire state to shame. Even the lowest of OSSM grads can place out of most of their freshman year at college, and a few are able to take a good bite out of their sophomore year as well.

My main point is, don't slack off. You're among the finest minds in the nation, with the best high school teachers in the world. Take some difficult classes while they're free. Take the AP tests, they make getting credit easier. Don't play StarCraft until two in the morning. Don't procrastinate, it doesn't improve the quality of your work. Don't sleep in class. Don't worry about what Dr. Manning is planning to restrict yet or if Prof. Gleason is going to rant about bodily fluids. Make friends with Dr. Dodd. Order a pizza. Show (don't tell) the administration that you can get good grades and still have a good time doing it. Make some friends, they will support you for the rest of your life. Avoid making enemies, they won't. Keep on Jack Gleason's good side (I think, though, that calling him Jack won't help). Watch Star Wars, again. Play computer games, but only on weekends when you don't have school work. Keep your grade up in Western Civ. Don't worry about your grade in World Lit. For juniors, keep your grade up in Am. Lit. and don't worry about Arab Civ. Take a class with Dr. Bucki, he's the smartest teacher left. Talk to your roommate, but be careful who you trust. Imitate a classmate, do impressions of teachers, get good at it. Avoid the second floor gravity well. Don't trust anyone, they're all against you. Write for the Underground. Avoid PDA. Get to know Keith and Al, they're really cool people. Have fun. Most of all, be yourself and never forget who you are. You are the best and brightest, not only in Oklahoma, but in the nation, and no one can take that away. Good luck to you all.

Pants or not?

By Mr. sigma

How do we define pants? The new summer style of pants (mainly on the girls' side of the dorm) hit the malls known as capri pants. These pants have varying lengths, from ankle-length to just below the knee. Now, when does a pair of pants become a pair of shorts? It would seem that if these pants were the offensive shorts, they would be called "capri shorts," or "pedal-pusher" shorts, instead of the capri pants and pedal-pusher pants. It seems that no one is brave enough to risk it: not one girl has worn a pair of "clam-digger" pants to Lincoln school yet, and thus the standard definition of pants has not been firmly established. It is my personal opinion that these capri pants are "pants," since they are, well, called "pants." However, it is also my personal opinion that boys should be allowed to wear skirts to the school if girls can, but that's another story for another article!

The OSSM Underground philosophy

By the new OSSM Underground Staff

We like OSSM! We really do. All good things, no matter how good they are, could be improved. Everyone has good ideas, not just the people who worked hard to build this school is the first place. Sometimes the people who are responsible for the existence of this school loose sight of just how bright the kids they put here are. Here at OSSM Underground we like to give them an occasional reminder.

We here at OSSM Underground feel that adding a little humor to the life of the average OSSM student might raise morale a little.

There are some things that we have to do that nobody likes. We understand why those rules and procedures are there, but that doesn't mean we have to like them. We like to joke about them here. Administrators are human. They might make mistakes. They might do things that we just don't understand. We here at OSSM Underground like to remind them that we like to have things explained to us so that we don't assume that they are mistakes, and if we still feel that it's a mistake, we're the first ones to let them know.

OSSM Underground is Copyright 1999, 2000 by OSSM Underground Press; Oklahoma City, OK 73104-2811. All rights reserved.

Send all submissions to submit@ossmup.org or check our submisssions page for a more spesific address.

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